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Alasdair Evans

Alasdair evans

Name and Twitter handle?

Alasdair Evans (@ev4nac)

What do you do now?

I’m Producer for the mysterious Essex-based developer Laughing Jackal. I also produce the majority of our game designs, which is easily the best part of the job. Although we’re a little-known outfit, we’ve produced games I’m really proud of. People can check us out at www.laughingjackal.co.uk

Birth place:

Shrewsbury, Shropshire, UK

Currently residing where in the world?

Bishops Stortford in Herts. It’s very nice. :)

Favourite video game of all time?

A year ago I’d have been torn between Super Metroid and Super Street Fighter IV. Now it’s easy: Spelunky (particularly the XBLA version.) It’s the perfect desert island game and as solid a game design as you could ever hope to find. I have nothing but admiration for Derek Yu.

What was the last game you enjoyed and why?

I’ve been on a real Roguelike frenzy of late and Cavern on iOS was awesome (plus the first Roguelike I’ve ever completed.) I’ve also enjoyed Sleeping Dogs a huge amount, plus Far Cry 3 and was the shizzle.

Describe very briefly any of the bullying you experienced.

I was a popular kid in my primary school, but already a massive nerd. The moment I encountered my first video game I knew what I was going to do with my life. However at secondary school things changed. I went from being one of the bigger kids in my old school to one of the smallest, and from day one I was targeted by kids who wanted to make themselves look tougher. It’s kind of like prison that way – jump a small kid and make yourself known to be a tough guy.

Things actually got worse the further through school I got, as I was something of a late bloomer and one of the shortest and lightest boys in the school. 😉 Add to that some Roland Rat glasses I had for a while (yes, really!) and a pudding bowl haircut and it was a perfect storm. I really ought to have know better! :S

The bullying was mostly physical. I would regularly get forced into fights that I just didn’t want any part of and I remember one particularly nasty afternoon trip home on the bus when 12 boys tried to beat up my brother and I. The bus driver just ignored it. They were really going for it too… Not nice.

We had older parents and that was something that was singled out, as was taking an interest in lessons. Worst of all we were also in several choirs, which was like a red rag to a bull and solid gold bullying materials. We were often asked if we were going to ‘queer practice’ of an evening.

Things went on like that for the first four years of school, but never stopped entirely. The most distressing part was having to watch people fighting my brother. He was even smaller than me and very mouthy, which didn’t help. We both understood that openly objecting to someone fighting your brother would have resulted in even worse bullying for being ‘gay’, so we both resolved to take our licks individually and just be there for each other afterwards.

There was occasional bullying outside of school – if I saw any of the bullies on a trip to Shrewsbury it’d be a question of getting away without making it look obvious or plotting a course back to the bus station that’d mean I was less likely to see them.

When did you finally learn how to manage the bullying? How?

I don’t think bullying is an easy thing to manage quite honestly and every one will deal with it differently. A good family around you certainly helps. Unfortunately for me I’m naturally a very private person – certainly not a sharer – so I didn’t really speak to anyone about it other than my brother, who was right there with me. I just sucked it up, which was completely the wrong thing to do…

In the end I resolved to be strong about it. I read ‘Invictus’ by William Ernest Henley a lot, that’s for sure! It’s still one of my favourite poems. It sounds very harsh and Victorian, but I think there’s a lot to be said for creating a sense of self mastery within you. Whatever happens, it’s up to you how you deal with it. Make sure you deal with it well.

The tipping point for conquering the bullying was when my former best friend, who was significantly larger than me, gave me dead arms for an entire double Social Studies lesson (it’s actually funny writing that down!) He made it clear that we had a fight arranged at lunchtime. I felt betrayed and sick with fear for the rest of the morning. I knew there was no way out of it.

When the hour came I went to the arranged spot and as soon as it things formally started I popped him smack on the jaw and knocked him straight out. You could have heard a pin drop and – I assure you – no one was more surprised than me. I was so scared I just put everything into it and was very lucky.

After that – and another similar incident with a big kid a year below me a couple of weeks later – things eased off for me, and also for my brother, which was the best part.

Bullying kind of continued when I moved to Sixth Form as it was a whole new set of ‘cool’ lads with a brand new easy target, but it that was only verbal and towards the end of the last year I shot up in size. Once I reached 6’3” and began shaving my head that was the end of it, thank God.

What effect do you think bullying had on you?

It totally knocked my confidence. I am still pretty slow getting to know people – much more so than I’d like to be.

However, once I went to Uni I realised that no one knew me and that I could be the person I wanted to be: my true self. I reinvented myself honestly, and from day one resolved to be more outgoing and in control. Straight away I made some lifelong friends and turned things around. I really feel disconnected from my younger self. I feel like I’ve lived two separate lives in a way.

I’ve really let go of the past and don’t have any bad feelings towards the people who bullied me. My beliefs mean that I am very conscious not to judge other people. You have to always try and see the other side of things. People are so quick to dislike others over how they perceive them to be. It’s important to remember that very few people truly want to be horrible. There’s a story behind the story.

The best thing is that it made me one hundred per cent determined not to let anybody else affect how I want to be. That makes it all totally worth it.

How is your life better now?

I have a lovely wife, Emma, who’s been with me for fourteen years, plus a great little son called Noah who’s 3. Watching him grow into a confident, outgoing child is so rewarding. I was afraid he’d be shy like I was, but so far quite the opposite!

I’m working in a job that I love and helping create things that interest me every day. I get to play around in my everyday clothes, while other people I know are stuck in a shirt and tie, reading endless spreadsheets and forever in and out of mind-numbing meetings. That’d be hell for me!

I never expected to be in the position that I am now. I think if you stay true to yourself and never give up you’ll reach your goals. Anyone who can’t handle you as you are isn’t worth worrying about. As long as you’re not a dick, obviously. 😉

Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?

No chance! I grew up in the middle of nowhere and had a fairly miserable time at school. I did none of the courses or subjects that you’d expect nowadays. I thought I’d be an office drone for sure. I never expected to get a job in this industry as I am not the best at maths, have an illogical brain and am famously unprofessional. I do have a lot of ideas though, and that’s been the biggest asset to me in my career so far.

I have a pretty great life my most measures. I feel very lucky.

What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?

Go ahead and DO IT. There’s never been a better time to get started. Try not to worry about other people’s opinions.

I know from experience that it’s not always easy to get past bullying, especially the physical stuff that you literally can’t avoid, but you will come through it. Just keep going as you are and try not to let it change you too much. Also, don’t be like me: share your experiences. That seems to be a lot easier to do nowadays.

Above all, remember that you’re being singled out because you’re different to the regular kids who’ll end up doing the regular jobs. That’s a great thing! Never let them win. Invictus!

Martin Caine

Martin caine

Name and Twitter handle:
Martin Caine  / @MartinCaine

What do you do now?
I’m now a professional games programmer working for a small but highly talented Games Studio (TickTock Games) working on titles for most mobile platforms and some other devices. I also work on games of my own design in my spare time (as Retroburn Game Studios) and plan to release those over a bunch of platforms too.

Birth place:
Wakefield, England

Currently residing where in the world?
Still here in Wakefield :)

Favourite video game of all time?
That’s a tough one, there are games I absolutely loved as a child but no longer class than amongst my favourites. I’d have to admit to being a huge CounterStrike fan having been playing in clans for almost 10 years (but not so much lately). CounterStrike Source I think is an awesome game, I still prefer it over the new CounterStrike Global Assault!

What was the last game you enjoyed and why?
Pudding Monsters on iPad. It’s made by the guys that created Cut The Rope and uses a pretty common core game concept but adds cute graphics to it and a few special moves that make you think. I especially liked how I played the game and got three stars on every level then realised to fully ‘complete’ each level you have to figure out how to finish the level with 0 stars, 1 star and 2 stars too! Really had me scratching my head on one or two of the levels.

Describe any of the bullying you experienced.
When I was younger I was pretty shy and reserved, had ginger hair, wore braces on my teeth and wore glasses too. Most of the bullying directed towards me was in the form of name calling which used to happen to quite a lot of people when I was younger!

When did you manage the bullying?
I mostly tried not to let it get to me to be honest but I don’t think it helped with my shyness, if anything I’d say it made me even more reserved and I only had a few select friends during my school days.

What effect do you think it had on you?
I think by trying to limit my exposure to the bullies and only playing with the friends I trusted meant I had very few friends and I also learnt to be rather insular, rarely sharing anything personal with friends. I would say I ‘grew up’ faster as throughout my teens I would not engage with others in immature behaviour and I think it’s made me quite a serious person and sometimes still find it hard to talk to new people and open up.

How is your life better now? (Feel free to touch on every cool thing about your life now)
Five years ago I met the my Wife and now we have four amazing children together. I’m going to work each day knowing ill be working on something really cool that I enjoy. I’m also super excited to be part of one of the most creative industries in the world and its amazing how small the UK games scene really is as almost everyone knows one-another or has some indirect link to one-another. I’m looking forward to a really exciting future with both TickTock and Retroburn in 2013 and beyond too :)

Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?
To be honest no. Before meeting my Wife I was content with my job (I worked in Digital Marketing and Web Development) but had very few friends and just spent most of my time playing online games! The past five years has seen so much happen to me both personally and professionally and I see a really bright future for both myself and my family.

What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?
All I can say is based on my experience really. If you’re wanting to get in to creating video games just consider what your strengths are and focus on those. Not everyone is cut out to be a programmer, we need artists, designers, writers, sound engineers, composers, testers… The list goes on! Tell people about the bullying, when you talk about it you’ll get help from your friends and they’ll also support you with achieving your dreams and goals too. Most importantly I’d say good luck to anyone wanting to make it in the industry. It’s pretty competitive but if you are determined and work hard there’s no limit to what you can do. Also consider reaching out to people who work in the industry, we might be able to help with information, mentoring or simply just answer your emails when you have questions. We’re a pretty friendly bunch and having given talks two two groups of school children on Game Design last year I think that direct link is really important.

Sarah Wellock

Sarah wellock

Name / Twitter:

Sarah Wellock / @SarahWellock84

 

What do you do now?

Community Management in Video Game Development


Where were you born?

Warrington


Where do you live nowadays?

London


What’s your favourite video game of all time?

Silent Hill 2

 

What was the last game you enjoyed and why?

Ni No Kuni. It’s the perfect combination of  one of the greatest animation studios and top game developers. The result is a beautiful world that is rich in imagination and top notch design.


Describe any of the bullying you experienced.

From a very young age (primary school) I received increasingly cruel and violent verbal bullying due to my ‘unusual appearance’ – being tall, skinny and later in my teens a ‘goth’. This carried on until I left college to go to university as unfortunately I went to the same high school and college as a lot of my bullies. No matter how good my grades or how much I tried to fit in more I would never belong which sadly let to me getting an eating disorder for some time. The point I remember most included me refusing to leave my home to go to school forcing my father to drive to one of the bullies houses and confront their parents.


When did you finally learn how to manage the bullying? How?

When I started college I managed to find a likeminded group of friends who helped me realise that I wasn’t alone and what they were doing WASN’T normal, by that point I had convinced myself I deserved the abuse. The biggest step for me in managing the bullying was to become comfortable with who I was, and friends/music was  huge help with that.


What effect do you think bullying had on you?

It has taken many years to rebuild my self-confidence and the saddest part is when I look back on a good 10 years of my life I have only very unhappy memories. The positive side is that I am very comfortable and confident in who I am and am much more determined to make my life the best it can be – the best revenge is to live your life well.


How is your life better now?

I’m not the same person I was back then which make me incredibly proud, I feel like myself, my true self. I am blessed to have a really fantastic circle of a friends, a job with a top gaming studio, chances to travel and to have new adventures. In a nutshell I am living the life I always wanted to but was too afraid to dream possible.


Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?

Absolutely not, there were certainly dark days when I thought I was doomed to constant abuse and that no one would ever welcome me into their social groups/ careers. In my darkest hours I remember not even imagining still being here.


What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?

People bully because they don’t understand and will always be afraid of what they don’t understand but know that there are hundreds and thousands more people out there who will understand you and embrace you. I have found a second family in my industry friends and community, I had to work hard to get here but it is worth it trust me. Never let ANYONE tell you that your dream is wrong, keep chasing it.


Sam Hulick

Sam Hulick

Name / Twitter
Sam Hulick / @SamHulick
 
What do you do now and how is your life better today?
Life is about a thousand times better today! I’m a composer working mostly in the video game industry, and have had the pleasure of working on games such as the Mass Effect trilogy, Red Orchestra 2, and Baldur’s Gate: Enhanced Edition. I’m married to a wonderful woman and have the coolest in-laws in the world, I live in the great city of Chicago in a cozy condo, and I get paid to stay home and write music all day. I have a pretty large and enthusiastic fanbase, and have won or been nominated for several awards, been featured in various interviews, a book, and a few major mainstream outlets such as MSNBC, The Guardian, etc. I list these accolades not to boast (many of my brilliant peers share similar successes), but to illustrate to people reading this who are being bullied that you have NO idea what the future holds for you. To go from being a kid who is made fun of and pushed around, to someone who is well-respected in the industry you work in is surreal, and that can be a reality for you. It’s a fantastic feeling, and I want younger generations to realize that anyone can have the life they want. But you have to endure, and you can never let anyone break you.
 

Where were you born?

Indiana, USA
 
Where do you live nowadays? 
Currently I live in Chicago, Illinois, with my wife and two cats.
 
What’s your favourite video game of all time? 
I can’t pick just one. There are way too many great ones!
 
What was the last game you enjoyed and why?
Sleeping Dogs! The open world is really cool, and it reminds me of GTA except my character has some badass martial arts skills. I think anyone who’s ever been bullied can understand the appeal there. 😉
 
Can you describe some of the bullying you experienced?
Junior high and high school were the worst of it for me. I was the weird kid who didn’t have any friends, save for a couple kindred spirits. I was bullied not just verbally, but also physically. Kids punching me in the arm while the teacher’s back was turned, that sort of thing. I never fought back. I’m not sure whether it was the fear of getting physically hurt that stopped me, or just not stooping to their level. Probably the former. I was a smart kid and realized I would’ve gotten seriously injured and so it wasn’t really worth it. My grades suffered horribly (low Cs and Ds), because I couldn’t focus on classes. I had friends turn on me. I had a “friend” steal something when he was over, and then he got caught red-handed, and after that he would hit me whenever he saw me at school. I realize now, looking back, that he did not have a very happy or healthy life at home, and probably bullied people to get his aggressions out. You don’t think about that stuff when you’re a kid, you just know that it sucks and you want it to stop. As an adult, you gain the insight that tells you that bullies are sometimes miserable themselves, or they’re insecure and feel the need to knock down others to make themselves feel better, or they’re doing it to be accepted in certain circles. Some of them even regret their bullying later in life.
 
When did you manage the bullying?
It got a little better towards the end of high school. I suppose kids just started maturing a bit more and realized it wasn’t cool to pick on people. Once high school was over and I started college, things got better. I also went through some physical changes: lost weight, got contact lenses, grew long hair (grunge phase, man!) and so I got a bit of a confidence boost. People were more accepting of me, and I was dating a lot more. I realized that it had nothing to do with me, but it was about the environment I was in. I was around the wrong people. When I surrounded myself with the right people, life was so much better. And peaceful.
 
What effect do you think bullying had on you?
I think bullying has made me a little more socially closed-off than I’d like to be. You develop negative/incorrect thought patterns about yourself that aren’t true. Constant bullying can send a message that something is wrong with us, that we are rejects. Reversing that can take a long time. Even well into my 20s, I was someone who had a hard time saying no, or standing up for myself. Now I have no trouble with either of those things.
 
Did you ever think life could be as good as it is for you today?
Never. If you had told me all this was going to happen, I would not have believed it. I still have to pinch myself once in a while, actually! Always be grateful for what you have, and to those who have helped you get there.
 
What would you like to say to those youngsters thinking about a future in video games who might be getting bullied now?
I have a lot to say. This goes directly to those who are dealing with the traumatizing effects of bullying:
 
I know it’s hard, and sometimes it seems impossible to deal with. It can feel like no one is on your side. Stay strong and do what you can to get through it, because it absolutely does get better. In so many cases, the unique qualities that make you a target when you’re young are the very same traits that are appreciated as an adult: thinking differently than others, dancing to the beat of your own drum. Focus on what’s positive. Focus on your hobbies and interests, and think about how great the future will be. You are not worthless, you are not undeserving of respect, and there ARE people out there in the world who will love you and appreciate you. If you can’t find a strong, supportive group of people or friends in your local area, try Facebook and Twitter, or online games or chat. The possibilities are endless there, and you’re bound to find like-minded people who can help make your day-to-day existence easier. Back in my high school days, we didn’t have social networking, but I spent an extraordinary amount of time on IRC, and I have to say that it was completely instrumental in helping me get through hard times. Stay the course, and do whatever you can to get through it, because this is such a small portion of your life. The best is yet to come, as they say. I hope these words and my personal story provide some level of reassurance and comfort to those who need it. Take care of yourselves.

Andrew J. Smith

Andrew smith

 

Name / Twitter?

Andrew John Smith / @SpiltMilkStudio

What do you do?

I run Spilt Milk Studios, an independent game developer. We make games for mobile, tablet, and eventually any digital platform we possibly can 😀

Where in the world were you born? 

Harlow, Essex. Grew up in a nice little village called Hatfield Heath though. Nothing like TOWIE, I promise.

And where do you live these days? 

Clapham, south London. And loving every minute of it.

What’s your favourite video game of all time? 

A tough one as it depends on my mood, but the one that most frequently comes to mind is Super Mario World on the SNES. Just… peerless joy, fiendish level design and puts a smile on your face from start to finish.

What was the last game you enjoyed and why?

New Super Mario Bros WiiU, funnily enough! I’m a big Nintendo fan, but this – the first HD Mario – really hammers home how talented everyone at Nintendo HQ really is. The game plays as brilliantly as it always has, and the extra pixels they get to show aren’t wasted. In fact Mario’s world has never seemed so alive, so vibrant. It’s a wonderful game.

Can you tell us about some of the bullying you’ve experienced?

During my formative years – 14/15 years old – I was bullied at school very heavily for being gay. I’m not, but the people involved chose to believe that I was. As a kid coming into puberty at a school that had until then been a boys-only establishment, the particular focus on my sexuality was very traumatic. I felt very alone, was isolated by former friends, and of course became incredibly difficult around girls. The whole puberty thing is tough enough on a level playing field, but the whole thing became impossible to figure out in my head. Eventually it erupted into violence when I confronted one of the bullies, breaking his guitar (and very little else) and I was punished, made an example of by the school. Meanwhile, some of the bullies were punished, but nobody knew how. That was kept private, and to this day I have no idea what they had to do to atone. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t as bad as mine – forced to sit in a chair in full view of the whole year for the duration of any free time or free periods I had, and amongst the sixth formers two years ahead of me.

When did you finally learn how to manage the bullying and how?

I never really did. I essentially went home in tears most nights, the school went deaf on me and my parents, and eventually I confronted one of the bullies. I punched him once, then broke his acoustic guitar. It felt pretty good!

What effect do you think bullying had on you? 

I don’t think it is incorrect to say that it definitely had an effect on my social development. That it occurred at such a key point in any young person’s life, and was indeed about the very thing that is the focus of that whole period of any person’s development – sexuality – meant that echoes of can still be felt now.

How is your life better now?

It initially made me very distrustful of friends, keeping them somewhat at arm’s length – purely because a lot of my former friends ‘turned’ on me, joining in and ignoring the bullying. But after a while that changed. I realised that you have very little control over how people behave towards you or react to you, so in new social situations – say for example the first few weeks of university – I made a point of just relaxing. If I had no control, then why sweat it? I’d also been through so much for so long, how could anything be worse? It made me relax, and I made an effort to be the funny guy. I also learned how to own embarrassment. If you laugh at your misfortunes before anyone else does, then it totally takes the sting out of anything anyone can say, and I have to say it’s a pretty great way to deal with everyday mistakes.

My life now is fantastic, if you’ll forgive the self-indulgence. I’m running my own games company, working with amazing and talented people all day every day. I live in London, one of the most vibrant and exciting places on earth, and I’m enjoying being single. I work out, I read, I enjoy the things I love without reservation and without worrying what anyone else thinks of me for doing so. Comics, music, movies, games, writing, skiing, whatever. I have a ton of really great friends all over the country and the world, and am able to call upon any number of people who I feel truly love and support me. I’ve never been happier.

Did you ever think your life was ever going to be this good? 

Not really. I’m a bit of a daydreamer, so I always have something to work towards, but objectively I’m amazed at how fortunate I’ve been. That said I believe you make your own luck!

What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?

Do your best to ignore them. I’d be more specific, but I think every case of bullying is different, so anything more than that could be poor advice. Know that whatever they say or do to you, you’re in control of your life. You will become whatever you want to be, you just need to set your heart on it. Bullies are sad, pathetic people who are more often than not hiding their own inadequacies behind their aggression. They’re often driven by jealousy and insecurity. Before you know it you’ll soar past them, and they’ll fall by the wayside. The games industry is a wonderful place, full of talented, passionate and friendly people. I can’t emphasise enough how much like a big, happy family it feels.

Hang in there, talk to the people you love about it, and do what you can to take control of your life. Don’t let them win. 

The very fact they’re picking on you means you’re worth picking on. It’s pretty simple – they’re bad people, and they wish they were more like you. Fuck ‘em.

 

Joram Wolters

Joram Wolters

Name and Twitter handle?
 
Joram Wolters / @joramwolters
 
What do you do now?
 
Nowadays I have a bachelor in game design with a Master in Design for Digital Cultures. I currently pay the bills by raising funds for charities but I’m mainly involved with photography and videography. I am mostly known for my party and event photography and videography, and I am in the process of shooting two independent photography series for my own website http://www.joramwolters.com. 
 
I recently moved to a bigger city and subsequently my social life has grown exponentially. I have always thought I had problems with engaging people socially, because I felt a deep fear in the pit of my stomach right before heading anywhere where there large groups of people. Living in Amsterdam now has rid me in great part of this fear, I know I can handle myself in social situations and that most people aren’t going to assault me for who I am here. 
 
Where were you born?
 
The Netherlands.
 
In which part of the world do you currently reside?
 
The Netherlands
 
What’s your favourite video game of all time?
 
Portal.
 
No! Halo.
 
No! Red alert 2. 
 
No! Age of empires 2
 
Of all time? Really?
 
What was the last game you enjoyed (feel free to list more than one!)
 
Trine 2, Saints Row the Third, Magicka
 
Can you describe some of the bullying you experienced?
 
I have been bullied in many ways on a lot of different occasions. My first experience with being bullied was in the town where I grew up, Drouwen. My parents’ house was in front of the local elementary school, one my sisters and I did not attend. This, combined with the fact that my parents were not involved with much of the town life, ensured me and my sisters were excluded by the other kids in the town. Add to this that we dressed differently than most other kids, and that we had a large property was apparently reason enough for the children to throw rocks at us when we came biking home from our school. 
 
Both me and all three of my sisters always took the long way home so we wouldn’t have to pass in front of the school so we could avoid all the children there. The few times when I took the shorter route because I wanted to be home earlier, I was often stopped by kids, who said I looked like a girl. 
 
My second experience with bullying was at the elementary school I attended, which was in the next town over. As far as I can remember I got along fairly well with most of the other kids there up until about the seventh class. At the time I could not fathom why, but some of the kids suddenly started calling me a girl, or gay. I have always had long hair and I knew that that was different from most kids there, but I didn’t understand why this was suddenly such an issue. 
 
Looking back at it now, I realize it was probably because I was pretty dominantly present and hyperactive. I kind of had a dominant personality and that probably didn’t sit well with some of the other kids who wanted to be the alpha males. 
 
Being a bit smarter than most other kids in my class (I remember trying to explain the concept of sarcasm to a group of kids who were laughing because I had said “Oh yes, i just LOVE kissing boys”) probably didn’t help either. Being a smart-ass about it definitely didn’t. I did have two or three friends at the time and they, along with all the other boys in my class, played soccer at the local team. I joined the soccer club in an attempt to be found normal by the other kids, only to be bullied there as well, I quit after going there maybe three times. 
 
I couldn’t handle it at all at the time and even though I was much smaller than my peers back then, I started beating up the kids who called me names. This only ensured that in recess everyone stayed out of arms reach when they called me names. 
 
After that, in the first two years of high-school I wasn’t bullied as much, there were some people who tried, but a few fights solved that for me. Having grown up working in my parents yard a lot ensured I had more upper body strength than most, even though I was still about 20 centimeters shorter than anyone my age. 
 
After those two years though my ADD-like symptoms made sure I was never in the same class for more than a year. It was in the third year especially that I had a hard time integrating with the class. None of the boys accepted my presence at all, simply ignoring me. I remember throwing a huge fit, screaming at the entire class how they were all dicks for treating me this way and running off to ‘never come back’. Fortunately one of the girls in the class came after me and invited me to hang with her and her friends from then on. I spent a couple of months only hanging out with the girls before the boys started to come around and accept me (most of them, anyway). 
 
When did you manage the bullying?
 
Somewhere halfway through the third year of high school, when I started hanging out with the girls. It was the first time I was able to look at the boys’ social structure from an external perspective and realize how stupid its internal processes are. It was then that I found out that if there’s a group of people who won’t accept you for who you are, there’s always another group of people who will. My dad also disclosed something then what I will never forget. He told me that friends from your elementary and high school periods are probably not going to be there for the rest of your life. They are people who do not share your specific interests, they are merely people you’ve been grouped with at random. It won’t be until you go to university or when you start working in a specific field that you will find people with whom you have a deeper connection because of that shared interest. And he was absolutely right. Like I said I switched classes a lot throughout high school, and realizing that every relationship I had there was to be temporary really helped me deal with people who tried to bully me. 
 
What effect do you think bullying had on you?
 
I used to have the effect that I was very violent towards other guys. The way for me to introduce myself into a group was to be obnoxiously physical and violent to others. I guess was a guaranteed way for me to make sure that everyone knew I was not one to be messed with. I did this well into my first year of game design, until I accidentally broke someone’s collar bone and I realized how much damage I could do to others. Inside I was still the 1,60m smallest kid in class, but on the outside I had grown to be 1,92m, weighing in at 90kg. 
 
I think it was at that point that I finally rid myself of the last effects of the bullying, I decided to no longer fight, and I haven’t done any real fighting since, nor have I been as overtly physical. 
 
The last remaining effect I think it might have now is that I still consider relationships with many people to be wholly temporary, once people are out of my direct vicinity I forget about their existence nearly instantly. 
 
How is your life better now?
 
My life is mainly better in finally having found that group of people with whom I feel totally comfortable. Most of my friends are smart, creative, friendly, wonderful people. I now know that I have a certain amount of talents, I don’t need the approval of small-minded people. 
 
I am mainly happy now that I no longer resort to violence to garner respect from people. I can’t remember the last time I hurt someone on purpose, or even when I got so mad that I had any desire to. I am generally a calmer, more balanced person now. 
  
Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?
 
Not when I was being bullied, no. I generally didn’t ever think ahead, and so I was too focused on what was being done to me then to really realize that it was going to pass. I would never imagined that at some point it wasn’t even going to be all that important to me anymore. 
 
What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?
 
Teach yourself how to program C#, much more useful than having friends in high school in my honest opinion. 
 
I wish I knew how to program C#. C# is so awesome. 

Michael Hicks

Michael Hicks rocks the house

Name / Twitter handle?

Michael Hicks / @michaelartsxm

What do you do now?

I am currently perusing my dream of being a full time independent developer. I get to do every single thing I’ve ever loved to do…. program, design, make music for it, and even do some video editing work for the trailers. How cool of a job is that?

Where were you born?

Illinois

Which part of the world are you in nowadays?

Orlando, Florida

What’s your favourite video game of all time?

The Movies… that’s a tough question though!

What was the last game you enjoyed?

Super Hexagon – the most rewarding game I’ve played in a long time!

Tell us about some of the bullying you experienced…

I wasn’t picked on as bad as some kids, but the times that I were are still very vivid in my mind… freshman year of High School was the worst really. I remember one time where a kid told me that I should go kill myself so he could come to my funeral and laugh. It was mostly a lot of verbal stuff I went through… being told I suck at music (I played trumpet in band, and recorded stuff on the side), and so on. I was a super shy kid up until my later years at High School; I didn’t know how to talk to people which made me a bigger target I think.

When did you manage the bullying?
I hid in music and video games when I would come home. I remember listening to In Rainbows by Radiohead every night for a long time… it’s still my favorite album, it gave me a lot of comfort. It was like one social rejection after another and listening to music that was heartfelt and sincere like that made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I also would play games like Oblivion to escape for a bit. I wrote a lot of songs back then, and it more and more became a catharsis type of thing, which I think helped me make better stuff and grow as an artist.

What effect do you think this kind of treatment had on you?

Being picked on taught me two valuable lessons. It made me see how fake a lot of people are and how easily they are persuaded by crowds. I remember a couple of popular “Christian” kids making fun of me early on because others were, but after I started playing in a band and had a few big shows these same kids wanted to associate with me and would always tell me how cool I was etc. Secondly, I learned the true “power of art” and how games/music/film can really be a positive force in people’s lives… this is a big motivating factor in why I publicly release the stuff I make.

How is your life better now?

Senior year of High School was really the best year of my life, everything started to go up hill from there. I made some really good friends and released my first published Xbox 360 game. I’ve released two more games since then and 25,000+ people have played them in the last few years! Considering all I’ve done with my life is make stuff, it’s the best feeling in the world to think about that many people checking out something I’ve made! I was recently interviewed for Official Xbox Magazine, Wired, Ars Technica… and my latest game Sententia was featured on the front page of Xbox Live last week!

Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?

Nope, not in the slightest. Everything that I value in my life “just happened”, which is ironic, since I have a tendency to obsess over a lot of things trying to ensure that they do! Things get better, but it’s likely when you least expect it… if you spend every waking moment trying to force something to happen, it just makes time go by slower.

What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?

There are some great online communities (like Newgrounds) that will help you along every step of the way; heck, I met my best friend and current roommate online! Also, be yourself and make games that you would want to play! Don’t be afraid to show the world who you are in the process of making games. Chances are you if you’ve been bullied then you have some unique perspectives on life and people in general; video games desperately need honest things like this expressed in our medium…. we need you! =-)

Olav Larsen

Olav larson
 
Name / Twitter Handle:
Olav Larsen, @Cellusious
 
What do you do?
I’m a art and game design freelancer, currently in school.
 
Where are you from?
Northern Part of Norway
 
And where are you based nowadays?
Northern Part of Norway
 
What’s your favourite game of all time?
Ratchet & Clank
 
What’s the last game you enjoyed?
I don’t really enjoy playing games, because i think too much on design, art and game design. But the last game i enjoyed was Spelunky.
 
Please describe some of the bullying you experienced:
Getting bullied by multiple people everyday, using my physical and psychical state against me. Hiding my stuff, using a phobia against me, violence, setting false rumors, closing me out, getting chosen last because of the rest agreeing to do so, dragging me down stairs, getting the blame of stuff which never took place. 10 years of this changes a person. 
 
When did you learn to manage the bullying and how?
I didn’t, i never stood up for myself and tried to just get out of the way.
 
What effect do you think bullying had on you?
It changed me, to a nicer person, seeing how bad people feel, and you know how that feeling is. You’re not going to do that to others when you know how damaging it is.
 
How is your life better now?
People appreciate my art, appreciate that i’m there, and know that i exist.
 
Did you ever think life was going to be this good?
No.
 
What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?
Bullying is the bully’s way of expressing that they have problems, not that you have problems. Knowing that they’re the problem, not you is a vital part of understanding why they bully. It sounds clichéd, but it gets better.

Ash Morgan

Ash morgan

Name / Twitter handle?

Ash Morgan / @Ranooth

What do you do?

I’m a producer (soon to be studio head) for a indie games company called Dojit and a bit of a testing consultant if people ever need help with it

Where were you born?

Hereford, United Kingdom

And where are you now?

Birmingham, United Kingdom

Favourite game of all time?

Dungeon Keeper 2

What was the last game you enjoyed?

Far Cry 3, total freedom in a great sandbox setting – plus you can re-create scenes from Rambo all the time

Tell us about some of the bullying you experienced.

My experiences with bullying were weird compared to others, I never had the “classic” big bully with his “cronies” who one would fear. My main bully was a person younger and smaller then myself and also someone I considered a friend, for the sake of this explanation let’s call him “Kid X”.

During my first year of High School a lot of kids would insult and call me names, spearheaded by “Kid X”. This was general hazing but I took it all to heart and lashed out which caused more people to mock me, I essentially became the joke of my year. Some kids decided to get physical and would punch me to see me react. I remember being punched in the guy pretty hard for not giving up a seat quick enough. Teachers would commonly see what happened and do nothing, or worse blame me. I was told many times that I was the problem and was told that my weight was probably the cause. A teacher who ironically was quite large told me I had to lose weight or “face insults for the rest of my life”. The thing is I wasn’t that large a child, obviously I comfort ate a bit but I was hardly the fattest in my year.

The physical and bullying continued till my third year until I finally fought back against “Kid X”, I hardly remember the fight as I blacked out due to anger. I did however break “Kid X”’s leg and “win” the fight. I was suspended but I didn’t care, my parents understood why it happened and I was proud that I stood up for myself. 

However this didn’t stop all the problems, I lost the rest of my friends because my teachers forced them to decide between me and “Kid X” and again I quickly became the joke of the year all over again although all the physical bullying stopped. Teachers did nothing about it and I just learnt to accept it, hide when I could and finish the school day as quickly as I could.

I have a million and one different stories of what happened in my time at school, but most boil down to someone insulting / attacking me, teachers doing nothing to stop it and blaming me instead, my self esteem dropping and my parents trying their best to support me and demand answers from the school.

When did you manage the bullying?

I didn’t really manage it at all; I took everything to heart and didn’t stand up for myself. I did stand up for myself a bit more after the fight but was still mocked. I was still ridiculed a little bit at the very beginning of college, but I was able to re-invent myself and find friends who actually liked/respected me.

What effect do you think bullying had on you?

My time at High School affected me a lot, at the time I doubted myself and had very little self esteem. I thought my life would be crap as people would pick on me forever.

Thankfully after college this wasn’t the case, but the memories of what happened still affect me, I find myself remembering little flashes of what happened and how I felt and it does really get me down. I do try my best to repress these memories but it doesn’t always work.

How is your life better now?

My life is kick ass! I found the girl of my dreams at the end of college and we’ve been together ever since, I went to an awesome uni and made a tonne of friends who I love. I graduated with a really good grade and a great little reputation in the indie games industry. 

I have only really just started being a producer for Dojit but I am enjoying the challenge and what is coming next.

Did you ever think life was going to be this good?

Not at all, like i said earlier I thought people would continue to pick on and mock me throughout my life but things in my life have overall been great.

What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?

Do not give up. I know it’s tough and you probably think it’s just going to get worse but keep going, keep believing and keep driving towards your dream. Bullies are odd creatures; they do what they do for little to no reason and will try and take EVERYTHING from you. You cannot let that happen, as long as you have your hopes and your self-respect you can achieve what you want in life and hold your head high. No amount of name-calling, threats or personal attacks can take that away from you. 

Magnus Hollmo

Magnus hollmo


Name and Twitter handle?

Magnus Hollmo / @SimGuruMeatball


What do you do now?

I work as an Art Director for Electronic Arts.


Birth place:

Hudiksvall, Sweden


Currently residing where in the world?

San Francisco, USA


Favourite video game of all time?

I have a very hard time picking a specific favorite. But I do have a lot of very fond memories from playing different adventure games by Lucas Arts and Sierra.


What was the last game you enjoyed and why?

Swing King on the iOS. Beautiful artwork combined with smart puzzles and fun physics-based gameplay.


Describe very briefly any of the bullying you experienced.

I was a very thin and fragile boy who spent time at home drawing or sitting in front of my computer rather than doing sports or trying to hang with the “cool” kids. I was different and was therefore an obvious target for bullies. It was mostly older boys who enjoyed anything from verbal abuse to vandalizing my school locker and even physical abuse. It wouldn’t stop as soon as I left school, they would also approach me on my ride home or any other location outside the school environment where they could get to me.


When did you manage the bullying?

I tried getting help from friends, parents and teachers at various time, but nothing really helped. Eventually, as I got older, and started at another school, I got better friends and learned to stand up for myself better. Also, since I was getting older, so were my bullies, so eventually they became a bit more mature themselves and the bullying disappeared.


What effect do you think it had on you?

In a way, you can say that bullying got me to where I am today. It made me more introvert and instead of being able to be social, I focused a lot on my art and computer knowledge. I learnt skills that helped me getting my first job in the games industry. I was pretty depressed during school and I was not able to focus on my homework or feel like I wanted to be in school at all, because of the bullying. So I wasn’t a very good student. I graduated with mediocre grades and did not know what to do with my life. It was then I learned that I actually had very particular skills and talent which were rare and highly desirable, so I started working with games straight out of high school.


How is your life better now?

I have a really hard time relating to when I was young. My life today is so completely different in all ways possible, for the better. I get to work with something I love every day, and I even get paid for doing so! I am surrounded by amazing and creative people, I laugh and have fun almost every moment of my life. I am also blessed by living in one of the most fascinating and wondrous cities in the world, a city where anything is possible and where people are accepted for who they are. Bullying stopped me from doing sports, but today I am very active and my current life allows me to do something I love every day, playing soccer! As a kid I never got to be social through sports, today sports have given me friends for life from places like Pixar and LucasFilm. Every day I am surrounded by things that I only dreamt about as a young boy and I look forward to every moment life will bring me!


Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?

Certainly not when I was a teenager, no. I felt very alone, scared and negative regarding life in general. Today it is the complete opposite, I believe that anything is possible and that life is wonderful!


What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?

Believe in yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you are unique and amazing! There is nothing you can’t accomplish. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help and never stop dreaming. There is a better tomorrow, trust me.